Why is it controversial to say Adele looks beautiful?

Ihaven’t weighed myself in possibly 10 years. I’ve certainly lost, gained, and lost weight again numerous times during that 10 years. More probably during the past week, but I’m not a slave to the scales. I measure myself now on the way I fit clothes.

My ex-husband told me years ago – and he was right, – that trying to fit into a ‘‘size’’ of jeans or shirt was crazy. He said, ‘‘as long as you look good and feel comfortable, who cares what size your pants are?’’

I often think of passing on the message when I see people cramming themselves into clothes that don’t fit, and yes, I assume it’s because they’re mentally married to a size they wore a decade ago: ‘‘It’s OK! Buy the size 14! You’ll look better!’’ I don’t though, because it would be insanely crossing boundaries.

I was reminded by my phone, that Adele’s One Night Only was airing on TVNZ last Monday, and like hundreds of thousands of us, I had my phone reminder ‘‘bing’’, so switched from the Nordic Christmas comedy I was watching (I know. odd genre) to see Adele sit down with Oprah, and of course enjoy her extraordinary singing talent.

She was, as always, completely remarkable, and the contrast between her East London accent and smooth singing voice always amuses and delights me. I rushed to post on social media, ‘‘omg! Adele is amazing and so beautiful!’’

A simple truth, not at all designed to provoke anything. I expected either, ‘‘Yes I agree!’’ or ‘‘I don’t like commercial crap music!’’ I got loads of both responses, but in a somewhat shocking twist I received a lot more.

‘‘She was always beautiful.’’

Correct. However, are you assuming what I’m actually saying, ‘‘Adele is beautiful now she’s not fat!’’ Is that what you think I’m saying? I have to check myself. Nope, I’ve always thought she is stunning.

Not only exceptionally pretty, but an hour glass figure I’d do almost anything to have. Unfortunately I will always look like a 1kg block of cheese. It doesn’t matter if I’m a size 22 or a size 12, and I’ve been both, I have a rectangular body shape. Not ideal, but having four of my ribs removed and a hefty Brazillian butt lift isn’t in my five-year plan.

Adele is beautiful. She was beautiful and she is beautiful. So why such a loud chorus of ‘‘She was always beautiful!’ flooding into my DMs?

When I was quite large I was perfectly confident. In fact, I was possibly more confident than I was at uni, eating only egg whites and drinking diet cola, a slender but starving 50 kilograms. I decided to go on one of my many diets, joined up at a weight loss centre, and started to shed the kilos. Instead of being applauded and encouraged, most of the comments I got seemed disappointed. Women, in general women, would say to me, ‘‘Oh don’t lose weight!

You’ll lose your personality!!’’

It was like my sense of humour was somehow molecularly involved with my fat cells. If I lost weight, I’d suddenly not be able to tell jokes and my wit would be whittled down. Are we women somehow less threatening when we’re fat and jolly? Is losing weight somehow seen as weight treachery? I’m all for ‘‘Body Positive’’ and being comfortable in your own skin, but being chubby is surely not like a gang that you join, and then have allegiance to forever. Is it?

Adele spent a good part of her interview with weight-obsessed Oprah discussing her weight loss. To me, it felt like she was apologising for herself. It seemed like she was being encouraged to defend her desire to change her life and her look. Adele did really well. She was positive and affirming and very clear that her weight didn’t matter to her, but Oprah grilled her like she somehow needed to make amends to us all for handing in her ‘‘patch’’ and walking away from the gang.

Would a man be interrogated for quite as long if his body changed? Sure he’d be asked about it, but not interrogated.

A male friend said to me recently as we sat having a coffee, ‘‘You look great. Best I’ve seen you look.’’ I responded with, ‘‘I look way better in clothes, than naked.’’ He quickly replied, ‘‘Polly everyone over 40 looks better in clothes.’’

Good point.

‘Adele did really well. She was positive and affirming and very clear that her weight didn’t matter to her, but Oprah grilled her like she somehow needed to make amends . . .