Stuff Digital Edition

Lock up the knobs using fake passes

Entitled, fraudster anti-vaxxers should have their fake passes shoved where the sun doesn’t shine.

POLLY GILLESPIE

In Wellington, I rather fear we have the sister syndrome of ‘‘too posh to push’’, the attitude where rich and privileged women in some countries refuse to birth babies, and choose an elective caesarean before they get too big, and loud, and terrorised by primal pain.

In Wellington, it seems like we think we’re too posh to get Covid. We mask up. We make a big deal of signing in. We almost do it with a flourish. A great show of ‘‘I’m checking in. Someone give me an award for my dedication to our city, society, and Queen’’.

We often wear masks to collect the bills and advertising circulars from the letter-box. We gasp in horror when a rumour ripples through the city that some hound has tested positive. There are tsk-tsks, tuttuts and glares when someone fails to check in. How dare they??

We’d rather like a hearty, sanitised, pat on the back when we find ourselves having no cases, and zero places of interest. We’re too smart. We’re too vigilante. We’re educated and law-abiding. We’re arrogant.

So I was astonished watching 90 per cent of the folk on the streets of Auckland swanning about maskless, casually huggy. Vapes are shared, smooches are rained on cheeks. No one looks terrified or disappointed. What the hell is going on? Is there a general resignation that we’re all destined up here to catch it, or are we in Wellington like masked, sanitised goody goods, determined to remain Omicronfree?

Auckland seems less worried, despite being the epicentre of ‘killer greeblies’.

I sat on a beautiful luxury yacht and freely chatted with maskless revellers, feeling a bit like a nun in a cat house. I adjusted quickly, and my Wellington military behaviour has subtly subsided. I’ve started to mull upon the completely different vibe.

However, one thing does appal me; when told of the latest immoral practice of fake vaccine passes, my Wellington hackles rose.

I’m told that perfectly intelligent (I’m awfully dubious) mummy and daddy antivaxxers are now buying ‘‘vaccine passes’’ so their darling offspring can attend festivals.

‘In Wellington, it seems like we think we’re too posh to get Covid. We mask up. We make a big deal of signing in. We almost do it with a flourish.’

That’s right, true-blue antivaxxers are buying fake vaccine passes for their enabled little darlings so they can slip in to superspreading events, whilst their folks buy them so they can pop in for their Botox and hair appointments. Oh, but they don’t actually want the dreaded vaccination. What if the microchip gets ‘activated’ and we all fall over dead when the evil mad scientists trigger the chip that will ensure total human annihilation?

Rather like Veruca Salt in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, they want their luxury and privileges, and they want them now!!

They consider themselves far more important than the rest of us, and they’re willing to break the law and leave it up to the rest of us peons to do the hard yards for them.

A, how dirty, gross and selfish; B, what slime; C, what do they Google? ‘‘How do I get a fake vaccine pass?’’: D, tossers; E, how selfish and socially irresponsible; F, what poor parenting; G, we have a major vaccine pass design flaw; H, some people are total bell-ends; G, white-collar crime. It’s a dangerous case of fraud. Go directly to jail.

Vaccinated? Not vaccinated? I’m not going to fight with you. But black-market vaccine passes can’t help but have me wish they get caught and have their fakes passes shoved up their dirty sneaky little rectums.

Gosh, why don’t they order some crack while they’re at it? They’ve already proved they’re more than happy to break the law, and have zero morals.

Remand them in custody!

NEWS

en-nz

2022-01-23T08:00:00.0000000Z

2022-01-23T08:00:00.0000000Z

https://stuff.pressreader.com/article/281728387896404

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