Points of order

OPINION: A pre-Christmas panic descended upon Parliament this week. The end of November is always a good time to get one’s affairs in order; tie up loose ends before the glut of Christmas events carries into the summer break.

Judith Collins, however, was too eager, and inadvertently delivered a Christmas present to her opponents a whole month early. On Thursday, she was deposed after attempting to demote the pictured Simon Bridges for a grotesque comment made at an event five years earlier. You might laugh off the idea that a single comment – in this case, describing the possible type of sex required to conceive a girl – could warrant demotion five years on, but clearly fellow MP Jacqui Dean, who was there for the conversation, was still disgusted enough to raise it with Collins this week.

And spare a thought for Bridges’ daughter, who one day in the future may search up stories about her father online.

Anyway, for the restless opponents of Collins within National’s caucus, many of whom were getting more chatty about the party’s malaise under her leadership, Merry Christmas. Now what?

The panic of the leadership spill was too much for some. Whanganui-based MP Harete Hipango, broadly considered a Collins’ loyalist, appeared overwhelmed on Wednesday morning as she pushed through a media pack heading to Parliament’s back door. She pulled the wrong swipe card to get in, then decided she would have to go around the front but not before she realised – at the prompting of reporters – that the swipe access fob she needed was attached to the blazer she was wearing.

Simon O’Connor, on the other hand, was unflappable. He seemed to have missed the memo about saying ‘‘no comment’’ – instead telling reporters he could never serve again under Collins, and that she absolutely had to go. ‘‘One thing is abundantly clear to me, and that is Judith Collins must resign. Her actions are just downright appalling as is the way that this has been handled,’’ O’Connor said. As he ended his broadside and walked away, he asked the media: ‘‘Subtle enough for you?’’

And in the heat of the moment, Christopher Luxon was almost anointed the new leader of the party. Well, according to Newshub’s outgoing political editor Tova O’Brien, who said on-air that Luxon would be the new leader. She also posted this to Twitter, and it was push alerted – setting off a mild panic among the press gallery. A quick walk-back on this reporting was required, because it simply wasn’t the case. Of course, these things can happen when you’re trying to squirrel information out of a generally tight-lipped caucus.

In the middle of all of this, the New Conservatives spotted an opportunity, putting out a press release reminding people that they do in fact, well, exist. They are, in their own words, a ‘‘Centrist to centre right party’’ [sic]. It is unclear whether they are more centre than right, but the capital C perhaps gives a clue. The current co-leaders are Helen Houghton and Ted Johnston, a former TOP Party candidate and Auckland mayoral hopeful.

The Government was also keen to tie up loose ends this week, particularly with the new ‘‘traffic light’’ system due to come into force on December 3. Labour has been criticised for its use of urgency to pass law in the past, but this week appeared the most egregious example. In this case, it was only the law which created the powers to mandate vaccinations in certain locations, at certain workplaces, under the traffic light system – seriously curbing the freedoms of the unvaccinated.

It’s entirely fair to say there was minimal to nil time for scrutiny for the incoming law: The boffins at the Justice Ministry didn’t have the final version of the bill to review for rights’ implications, the final version was only produced on Tuesday morning, and there would be no public submissions or time for revision in the measly 24 hours it was passed in.

Speaker Trevor Mallard was among those who gave the Government a clip around the ears for doing this, and rightly so. Of course, this criticism amounted to nothing, after all Labour was elected with a whopping majority during a time of crisis. The response from the likes of Covid-19 Response Minister Chris Hipkins and Workplace Relations Minister Michael Wood amounted to, ‘‘It’s not ideal, but none of this is’’.

And really, Auckland wants the traffic light system for Christmas.