Choose life NOW

Many of us put too much emphasis on the more stressful parts of our lives and don’t make enough time for ourselves. We need to learn to work to live, rather than live to work, writes Siena Yates.

When it comes to the summer holidays, there are two types of people. One approaches the season with joy and excitement. By the time December rolls around, they are already mentally clocked out and enjoying a mojito at the beach. It’s not even necessarily about what they will do or where they will go, it’s just the thought of giving the middle finger to routine and responsibilities.

The other, despite all the excitement, approaches the season in stress mode. How will they get all their work done? They are worried about logistics, whether it’s organising a trip, how to keep the kids entertained, how busy they’re going to be after the holidays, what they are going to eat, or what they need to buy. I used to be one of the latter people. I still am to a certain extent.

I like to get my gift shopping done by the end of November at the latest, mostly because the idea of stepping foot in a mall or department store in December makes me want to cry, punch something, or both.

But over the past couple of years I’ve started to become the other kind of person. And on that journey, I have learnt a thing or two about how to switch off and enjoy life when you can.

I have always been a huge advocate of doing what you want to do, when you want to do it (within reason, and without hurting anyone else, of course). I just wasn’t always that good at putting it into practice.

One of the biggest things that changed me this past year was the loss of a loved one. It was unexpected and sudden, and a reminder that nothing in life is guaranteed. Least of all, time.

Things we had planned to do together or that I had planned to do for him, were put off “until”. You know, the great “until” – until I have finished work, until I have paid back this debt, until the weather is nicer, until… we ran out of time.

So my new approach to life is to stop waiting for things that don’t need to wait.

I have decided life is meant to be lived in the same way money is meant to be spent – we’re just constantly told that both need to wait until we have done our duties.

The thing is, I’m a single millennial in 2021. I have accepted I will probably never own property. My student loan is paid, I have no attachment to the idea of getting married, don’t plan to have children, and I don’t see the point in excessively worrying about retirement when a), I may not even make it to retirement age, and b), the goalpost for that age moves so much I will likely get a letter from the Queen before I get a pension. I have KiwiSaver and that’s where the saving ends.

So I’ve decided to start treating my time the same way as my money. Instead of waiting for an official holiday to spend time the way I want to, I’ve just started doing it now while I have the luxury of having time at all because, unlike money, you can’t make, steal or borrow more.

I say no to things that will cause me more stress than they are worth. I set hard boundaries, professionally and personally, and I prioritise the things that matter. As I see it, this is the key to winding down and de-stressing in general.

The first step is figuring out what matters to you. What will fill your cup and feed your soul, honour your tūpuna, and clear the path for those who come after you? What will make you smile, laugh, dance, and shed tears of joy? That will obviously look different for everyone, especially for those with more responsibilities than I have but I don’t think they are worlds apart.

Desires such as spending time with loved ones, spending time in nature, eating good food, and getting plenty of sleep, are pretty universal, yet

most of us aren’t doing it. So once you figure out what matters, stop putting those things off and make them happen. Now. Not in a few weeks when your approved leave starts. Now.

Some things have to wait, such as if you are planning a trip. But you can still fill your cup until then with trip planning. Not the boring logistics, but the fun stuff such as where you will go, what you will see, what you will eat, what is going on the road trip playlist.

For me, work is now at the bottom of my list of priorities.

I like my work, and writing does fill my cup, and money is annoyingly essential, but thinking about the things that make me happy, sitting in front of my laptop all day is not one of them.

Whether it’s spending time with your loved ones, doing that thing you have always wanted or meant to do, visiting that friend you haven’t seen in years, having that delicious meal you have been craving, or swimming in the ocean, the particulars will vary but the sentiment is the same: it’s about living the life you want to live, even if only in the smallest way.

Once you know what matters, all you have to do is allocate your energy accordingly. Set boundaries for yourself to switch off as soon as you clock off, and make plans for afterwards.

They don’t have to be grand, bucket-list plans. See friends or family, learn a new TikTok dance, or walk the dog.

Your plan can even be to eat a whole sleeve of Oreos while you binge-watch Netflix. It’s that whole idea of making work fit into your life, instead of making your life fit around work. It’s easier said than done, I know.

It’s stupidly hard work to stop working so hard, and I’m not suggesting you throw all your responsibilities in the bin and run off naked.

I know people aren’t as privileged as I am to have few financial responsibilities and no-one relying on me. Things have to be done and we have to do them.

But if you can start to detach a bit and add a bit of that holiday vibe to your everyday life, by the time the real holiday comes around, you will already be ready to meet it without stress or guilt, and enjoy it without regret.

And who knows? Maybe it will stick.