LIFE HACK HOW TO BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE

Sex and relationship expert Serafin Upton talks us through the things to consider when approaching breaking up – which is always hard to do.

Ideally, a relationship break up should be a joint decision. At the very least, your partner should know you are not happy in the relationship. People sometimes misattribute their lack of happiness to their romantic relationship, when o en the underlying issue is actually something else.

Ensure you’ve done everything you can to ensure your needs have been met in the relationship: If you’ve never kindly communicated with your partner about what you need from them, how can your partner deliver?

Ensure you’ve communicated your boundaries kindly to your partner: If they don’t know they’re crossing your boundaries, how can they do things di erently?

Check your history: Have you done this before? People follow patterns. If you’ve broken up with someone before in similar circumstances, it could be a form of self-sabotage.

lmost all relationship issues can be ed ith the help of a talented couples therapist: Check your reasons for ending the relationship are solid, and not based simply on things “going badly” between you.

Consult the tribe: Talk to 2-3 people who care about both of you, and ask them: “Am I my best self when I am with this person?” Ask them: “Does this person treat me, and themselves, with kindness and respect?”

Take responsibility: Own up to the mistakes you made in the relationship, even if that mistake was you not being completely honest with yourself about what you needed or wanted.

ho empathy: Imagine yourself in your partner’s shoes, and consider the impact that you breaking up with them may have on them. Leave their mana intact.

Serafin Upton has been a family and couples therapist for more than 20 years. Since 2014, Serafin has primarily offered trauma-informed sex and relationship therapy to couples.